


Regrets Always Haunt You for Eternity

by Sethana



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Gintoki needs a hug, Ginzura Week 2019, Mental Instability, Pre-Canon, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 20:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19027288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sethana/pseuds/Sethana
Summary: Sometimes, he could almost see it. Seehim. A faint image at the edge of his vision. Watching, with that stupidly innocent smile of his. Just like he always did.





	Regrets Always Haunt You for Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> GinZura Week 2019; Day 4, Ghost

Sometimes, he could almost see it. See _him._ A faint image at the edge of his vision. Watching, with that stupidly innocent smile of his as Gintoki made a fool of himself in one way or another, always watching and looking out for him like he always did in a time long passed.

But usually, it was his voice. Only voice. Commenting, berating, comforting him.

_"Gintoki, look over there. Isn’t that sight beautiful?”_

_"Gintoki, that was nice of you."_

_“Gintoki, you should take better care of yourself.”_

_“Gintoki, chew with your mouth closed. You’re an adult, act like it.”_

Gintoki this, Gintoki that; the voice never shut up no matter how much he willed it. He would admit to not be the sanest person in the universe, but he didn’t think that he was outright _insane_ like this. One time, when he had enough of hearing it, of constantly being plagued by _his_ voice like everything was alright and dandy in the world, he snapped at it.

“Shut up, shut up already! _You’re not real!_ So shut the fuck up and piss off!” He didn’t care that the rest of the bar was looking at him like he was an escaped mental hospital patient -- _he sure as hell feels like it_ \-- he just wanted it to _stop._ To stop talking and reminding him of something that was no longer in his reach, of the person that he’d failed and would never be able to make up to.

The voice disappeared, then. And Gintoki downed his drink in relative peace. But try as he might he couldn’t stop himself from feeling like he just lost _him_ again.

***

_"It’s alright, Gintoki. Everything will be alright.”_ The voice said, quietly, when he was silently sobbing under the covers of his futon; the result of weeks worth of lack of sleep and cheap alcohol that made him want to hurl his insides. The voice was quieter, as if hesitant to speak at all, but his words were no less genuine. Always there. Always so caring.

Like _he_ was.

He couldn’t- he couldn’t lose it again. Not again, _please, no._ Even if it was only a voice -- even if he knew perfectly well that it was all in his head; he _couldn’t lose him again._ So what if it was only a voice? So what if it was all his imagination? At least he was there. _Here._ With him. Not some ashes scattered in a bloodied battlefield. Not just a memory to be forgotten in time.

He was here.

"I'm sorry," He choked out after what felt like years of being kept underwater, unable to breathe or even say anything. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.."

But to who? Was he apologizing to the imaginary voice inside his head? Or was he apologizing to the person that had long since left this cursed world?

Gintoki didn't know. Didn't want to know. He just knew that he was _sorry_ and he wanted _him_ here with him, no matter what. If disembodied voice was all he could have, _then he'll take it._

_"It's alright."_ And Gintoki wanted to laugh hysterically when at that precise moment, he could see _him_ sitting by his futon, looking in all the worlds like he was always there as he ran his fingers through matted silver hair. Long black hair falling over his shoulder; warm brown eyes that spoke of home. The image was faint but _there._ Gintoki wanted to laugh so hard his eyes started to sting with unshed tears.

But he didn't. Instead, Gintoki just squeezed his eyes shut and listen to the ~~haunting~~ comforting words until the cold darkness of sleep took him away.

_"I'm here. I'm always here."_

And he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Let those two be happy. ~~says the one who wrote this fic in the first place~~
> 
> A short and not-exactly-sweet fic to follow up on my messy schedule. This was actually kind of easy to write, thankfully. So, hey! I'm not late this time!
> 
> I also apologize for any OOC-ness or incorrect portrayal of Gintoki's breakdown. This was purely what I think Gintoki would do in this kind of situation, and is not meant to possibly offend anyone.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please leave if a comment if you can. But if not, I still thank you for reading this!


End file.
